Pure and Tired

Having a baby takes a lot out of you. Especially in my case - Caleb Jay arrived October 9th weighing 9lbs 12oz! I’m so thankful for this new little guy, and it’s hard to believe he’s already 5 weeks old. But then again, details tend to run together like watercolor once sleep and schedule get scrambled.

A few days ago I cracked an egg on the frying pan only to dump its contents back into the carton. Later that afternoon, I almost put the flour into the refrigerator. And that evening, I totally blanked out while talking with a salesperson over the phone:

“You need my mother’s maiden name for security reasons? Ok. Poff. No, not D-O-F-F. P-O-F-F. You know, ‘P’ as in… um… uh… (can’t say THAT word)… ‘pecuniary’!”

Brian Reagen and I could be friends.

You can only go so long before lack of uninterrupted sleep starts to affect your mind. Nevertheless, I read enough of God’s word the other day (before falling asleep sitting up) to have some bloggable thoughts.

As I read in Matthew, I came across the verse, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” I had to pause after reading that.

Living in the “Already/ Not Yet” time between my perfect purification in Christ (already accomplished via Jesus’ death and resurrection and not my performance, thank God) and the ultimate manifestation of that free-from-sin reality (when Jesus comes back to rule or I go to heaven to be with Him… whichever comes first) is tricky and often frustrating. I rarely do much of anything without muddled motives.

While thinking about this, a simple heart-check question popped into my head: After I have done activity X, do I want people to say, “Hey! Look at Katie!” or “Hey! Look at God!” ?

Yikes. How often is it option A? Or maybe a mixture of both? Eight verses later, Matthew writes, “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” In other words, it’s not about me.

I forget this a lot. Especially when my children’s behavior interferes with my comfy, clean, sleep-saturated ideals. Am I singing to Selah because I want to reassure her after a bad dream? Or do I just want her to calm down so I can get back to bed?

Thankfully because of Jesus, I am already perfectly pure in His eyes (and this is a God who still knows my every thought, word, motive, and hair follicle… not really sure how both truths dance together, but that’s what the Bible says). Because of Holy Spirit, I have all the power and divine presence I need to live out the life God’s called me to. Plus there are all those comforting promises of God finishing His work in me, keeping me blameless, perfecting and strengthening me, etc.

Louie Giglio has a great analogy comparing Christians to the moon. Ultimately, the moon’s just a big ball of dust. But when it reflects the sun’s radiance, it shines brilliantly. Likewise, we Christians do not generate our own light. Yet when we’re rightly aligned with THE Son, we reflect God’s glory. When people look at us and think we’re awesome, we should point them to the true source of our light.

One day, I’ll be totally free from the mixed motive thing. But in the meantime, I can just continue turning my heart back over to God for readjustment and battle specific temptations with Scripture and prayer.

So the next time Selah’s screaming in her room (if I don’t wallow in self-pity or angst against high-volume toddlers), I might see God answer my prayer for her peace and glimpse His glory as He concurrently works on my purity of heart.